I wish I knew your thoughts

Yesterday I had to practice to be normal while at work. I would be meeting you for dinner in the name of celebrating HT's belated birthday. Somehow i managed to do so as I clinged on hope to one of your SMSes... You said give you time to consider as you don't wish to have a relationship now. That little teeny weeny chance of a hope was all i had to cling on in the sea of despair. You might have said that only to get me off your back for awhile but it was all i had.. Work ended, I went towards City hall and started waiting... Was 45 min early before meeting time but I didn't go anywhere.. I stood by the station, closed my eyes.. tried to calm my emotions so that i can achieve the goal of appearing normal in front of you. I didn't want you to be guilty, worried.. You came early and thank god I was somehow able to converse with you normally.. But I my voice has changed since that day, I can't seem to project my maximum voice.. Makes me sound softer than I already was. The others came, met up the birthday gal at Kenny Roger's, had dinner, had the cake and we were already on the way back home before I even realised.. You didn't come online that night. Began to wonder why... Paranoid as I am, my thoughts started to stray.. You think I have "recovered" and therefore you were released from your guilt? Better to stay away from me from now on? I dunno... Let's hope not... I wish I knew your thoughts...